Learning to let go

I'm learning to let go of past regrets and sorrows. Still learning to forget about the CVS/Respi exam....or at least block it out of my mind temporarily.
Learning to forget the fact that none of my City Harvest cell group members (besides Kelvin) even wished me happy birthday, even though Rachel told them about it beforehand. (Instead I should remember how some batchmates came over to my place to sing 'Happy Birthday' on Friday night, and at CF too on Friday afternoon).

And I refuse to dwell over small, petty things in a negative way. I can dwell about how I feel like I'm always taken for granted because of my quiet nature. I can pout about how I'm somehow always in the wrong whenever a conflict occurs- it always seems to be my fault. I can depress myself about many things, but I wouldn't.

Instead, I'm going to praise the Lord.

Praise Him that I got my internet connection back- and can now enjoy the luxury of going online in the comfort of my own room. Praise Him for my housemates- who followed me all the way to Low Yat and helped me ask for assistance for my laptop. (with their better command of Mandarin).

Praise Him for both Juniors and Seniors, who texted me good luck and encouraging messages the night before the exam. When one receives text messages from at least one person from each semester , (from Sem 1 up to Sem 5), one knows that she is being blessed with guardian angels around her :)

p.s. why is episode 1 of Survivor : China taking soo long to download? lol


Philippians 3:13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead.

I failed

I think.....no, I'm quite sure that I failed the CVS/Respi exam today :(

Not really in a mood to talk about it now..... the OSPE section was the worst for me- there was way too much to cover, so I left out studying the blood vessels of the upper and lower limb. And guess what? It came out, one entire OSPE question, which I wasn't able to answer at all, because I didn't study for that part. So I think I got only a few marks out of 20 for the OSPE. And as for the other sections, even MCQ which I'm usually good at, I got only half of the marks, so it wouldn't be enough to pull my total mark up. So yeah, I'm so prepared to fail. Let's hope that I don't burst into tears again when I open up my result slip a couple of weeks later.

I'm so angry, upset and frustrated with myself right now. And it's not like I didn't study. I study hard every single day.....especially for the past month, and this is what I get in return?

My batchmates are all partying happily right now, but as for me, I'm not in the mood at all to do anything.

p.s. oh, and I have only myself to blame for not doing the Respi AIR topic earlier on, and leaving it until tonight. Because one entire MEQ question came out on it....and I couldn't answer it that well, because....I didn't do the AIR topic prior to the exams!

The current state of affairs.....

If you have been reading the newspapers daily, or watching the news on television, you would've known about the recent case of an 8 year old girl, Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, who was found dead, brutally murdered and sexually assaulted after going missing for one whole month. She went missing after heading out to the pasar malam in her neighbourhood alone. Her body, which showed marks of strangulation and sexual abuse, was found dumped in a carrier bag left outside a book store.
Imagine the grief of her parents and her family.

Now, who in the world would have the heart to do such a thing to such an innocent child? She is only 8 years old. Who would have the mind to carry out such a cruel and horrifying act?

There was a time when children in this country could play and roam about the streets freely without their parents worrying about their safety. There was a time when the brutal murder of an 8 year old was unheard of. Those times are long gone. Now, parents all over the country are advised to keep a close eye on their children. But seriously though, is it possible for a parent(esp. those with many children) to keep an eye on their children every single minute? Shame to those who only know how to accuse Nurin's parents of negligence, instead of offering their deepest condolences to a family who is grieving.

No child, regardless of race or gender or personality should deserve the same fate as Nurin. We should all work together to make this country a safer place for our children to live in. It can start from the neighbourhood. Help your neighbours keep an eye on their children, and immediately report any suspicious activities. (e.g. seeing a child being reluctantly dragged away by a stranger)

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It's stress time again- the period of time when you can feel the adrenaline rush of last-minute straining for revision. CVS/Respi exams this Thursday, and I still have a lot to cover. My mind, as usual, says - I'm so dead again. My heart, however, tells me- leave it all up to God. And I have to learn again and again to lean not on my own understanding, but on God's grace.

I seem to forget everything that I learn! For example, today during CSU session, when Htin Aung asked us about the different types of asthma, and also the anti-asthmatic drugs, I forgot everything, even though I just revised that very topic a few days ago! Arrrgghhh.......*throws hands up in exasperation*

Talking about Htin Aung....having a 2 hour CSU session with him early in the morning is very.....draining. From the beginning, when I decided to ask an unnecessary question to the SP, he harped on that mistake of mine for at least 10 minutes. And when I subconciously rested my hands on my hips, he accused me of not being respectful towards him.
I really can't imagine having him as a PBL faci (he is giving housemate Fang Han a very tough time in PBL sessions, and the other housemate Rachel is having him for Haemato, so ....... *shudders.)

I'm feeling....

Right now I'm feeling......


Tired and exhausted and worn out

Stressed

Panicked that I wouldn't be able to finish studying for the CVS and Respi exam. (The notes are like piling up, and I have forgotten everything about CVS!)

Like this torture would never end (can't wait for Thursday man!)

Glad that I have friends who are going through the exact same thing as I am.

Glad that I have a God who cares, and who will pull me through this.

24

Last Saturday, yours truly turned.....24. *Gosh I feel old now :P*

So how exactly did I spend my birthday?

Well, on Friday night, as I was walking back home with my 2 housemates, they were chatting about how long it took me to take my shower. I admited that my showers could take up to half and hour at times (yes). Housemate Rachel then challenged me to time how long it actually takes for me to shower ( she would help me time that night) and to tell her when I was done.
Little did I know that it was just a cover story for something more important....

A few minutes before 12 midnight, my mum called me to wish me happy birthday. And as I was still on the phone with her, suddenly there was a knock on my bedroom door, and Rachel was calling for me to open it. Chong Bing is going back home, and he just wanted to say goodbye. Hmmm..... okay.....
And then, barely a minute later, yet another knock on my bedroom door.
And this time, as I opened it......I saw a whole group of batchmates standing right outside my bedroom door, with Edwina (was it?) holding a birthday cake. And they were singing the 'Happy birthday'' chorus.
I got the surprise of my life. Well, I admit that I did expect my 2 housemates to at least wish me happy birthday at midnight, but what I didn't expect was that they actually invited a whole group of friends/batchmates over to my place to celebrate!! It was so overwhelming, I almost felt like crying at that very moment.

I suddenly felt loved, a sentiment which I don't always feel. I realize that I am blessed to have such lovely friends and people around me.
Thank you so much Edwina, Lynn Xuan, Sarah Yuen, WeiLin, Hui Ling, Jian Min, Kwan, Chong Bing, Ru Fah, Ghi Waie, Suisse, and cousin Mervin for turning up, and making my day! :D And special thanks to my wonderful housemates Rachel and Fang Han for taking the trouble to organize all this! :D

(I forgot to bring my camera cable today, so will try to upload the photos tomorrow. Unfortunately, the group photo wasn't saved in my camera).

Saturday was a normal day, studying a bit for CVS- and having William come over at night to cook spaghetti for us.

Now that I am a getting a year older, I don't know what lies ahead for the upcoming year, but what I do know is that I want to be strong in my walk with the Lord, which has been....umm....kind of dwindling recently ( ever since the new sem began).

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The entire Saturday, my mind was bugged by something else. You see, there has been some...problems arising in my City Harvest cell group. Ever since me, Rachel and Naomi missed so many sessions due to the fact that we went back to our hometowns for the long holidays, and because we were busy for the past week. And the cell group leader isn't happy with us at all. I really hope that we can sort this out, because.....I know that Jesus doesn't like divisions among his believers.


p.s. My PBL group finished all our PBL sessions yesterday!! Woohoo!! No more PBLs for the next couple of weeks!!

p.p.s Whoever read this, I trust you will keep it a secret ;)

What I need....

Is a good friend.

A close friend who will be with me always and stand by me through thick and thin.

A friend who I can share my deepest secrets, worries and insecurities with.

A friend who I can trust with anything.

A friend who genuinely cares about me.

A friend who doesn't just ignore me or reply me with one sentence answers, but is sincerely happy to have a chat with me.

A friend who actually takes the time to talk to me and get to know me better.

A friend who doesn't judge me- a friend who accepts me for who I am.

A friend whom I can share stories, and laughs with, without being afraid of offending the person.

A friend who hugs me and tells me that it's really ok to be myself.

And of course I'll try my best to improve myself, and open myself up more so that I can find myself a close friend, which has been sort of elusive to me thus far :)

p.s. For anyone who reads this, this is not directed specially at you, so don't take it personally.

p.p.s Tomorrow is a special day, because.......well nvm....:P

9/11

I just have to write this post today- since it's the date.

It was exactly 6 years ago. The date was September 11th, 2001.
Just another day, just another ordinary day. The weather was almost perfect- with clear blue skies.
New Yorkers- well known for their fast-paced lifestyle, are already up and about- driving to work, going to school, getting prepared for another routine day.

Then, it happened. At first glance, it looked just like a scene from an action movie. Two airplanes have crashed into the World Trade Centre! The famous landmark building is now being engulfed in smoke and flames. It all happened so fast, without any warning.
Suddenly, the entire city came to a standstill. The city, and then the entire world watched in horror as the whole building collapsed. Then came the news that two more planes have crashed, one at the Pentagon and the other (supposedly targeting the White House) crashed at rural Pennyslavania.

Thousands of innocent lives, both of the flight passengers and people on ground have been lost. People weeping over the loss of their loved ones. Where is humanity? Where is the love? What warrants such cruel act of terrorism? What has the world come to?

But through it all, there were some blessings in disguise.

Stories about brave firemen risking their lives to save others.

Diverse America coming together. People of all races, black or white, Latino or Asian, joining forces for the war against terrorism. The whole world united together in one mission- to counter terrorism.

From the bad emerges the good.
Slowly but surely, the country is regaining its strength. People would go on with their lives, the Trade Centre would be rebuilt. But the date 9/11 would never be forgotten.
Although all these events happened within the period of a few hours, the implications would last for a lifetime and beyond. The story and the message behind it, and the lessons learnt would be passed on for many more generations. That fateful day has been marked in history.

Wo hen lei

I’m tired. Tired from the hectic schedule of the past few days. Tired from getting only a few hours sleep every night for the past week. Tired of being tired.

And last but not least, tired of being made use of. How about digging out my money (well, actually it’s the money that I receive from both my housemates for their room rent) to pay for Izzi broadband (which costs RM1498 for the entire year), and then discovering that both my housemates can access the internet at home- and I can’t. How frustrating and disappointing is that? Well, they promised to share the cost, so we’ll see how it goes. I found out that it’s because my laptop’s USB port, the one which I plug the internet wire in, is spoilt. Which means I might have to get a new laptop.

Hello? I know my laptop is already almost 5 years old- but getting a new one isn’t such a simple process. How much does a laptop cost? Hey you and you- stop assuming that my mum has so much money. She has worked so hard to get to where she is today- all that she is now is entirely due to her struggles when she was younger and how she showed courage and determination to overcome all odds to become such a successful businesswoman today. Please do not take me and my mum for granted.

And you, who gave you the authority tell your friend that I have a printer that he could use? It is my printer after all, not yours. What would you have said about me if I hadn’t allowed him to use my printer? That I’m a spoilt, selfish brat?

I really want to be nice and helpful and kind to everyone, because that’s just how I am. I don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. But then, where is the thin line between being nice and being too soft-hearted? If we’re too nice, we get taken advantage of.

I need to learn to stand up for myself and my own rights – without coming across as too harsh or abrasive. But then again, people tend to be intimidated of me without me having to raise my voice at them or show them my true colours.

p.s. On a side note, the IMU Charity Run was held this morning. I was tending the ‘Patch for Love’ stall, which sold hand-made stuff. It’s safe to say that it wasn’t the most popular stall at the carnival, mainly due to the cost of the stuff being sold. (Well, I didn’t set the price). But it was a good experience

eta :I'm so careless- I can't believe it myself. Last Friday, I left my pendrive in E-lab 2, and also the 'Medical Embryology' book which I borrowed in the library. Gah!! Luckily, someone found my pendrive and is going to return it to me tomorrow. When will I ever learn to be more careful?

Busy, tired and worn out!!

So it's only 4 days into Semester 3, and I'm already feeling kindof tired and worn out. I've been catching very little sleep for the past few days.

Everyday, there is endless work to be done. Lecture notes which are already starting to pile up. PBLs- having enthusiastic groupmates who want to get it all done asap means having PBL session 2 every few days! And not forgetting the AIR topic- both CVS ( which we were supposed to get done during the holiday/rotation period, but because, you know......the deadline is 12th September)..... I know, I know, we are first-class procastinators!

And in just 3 weeks time, we'll have our CVS and respi assessment combined. I did study for CVS during the holidays, but I was studying very slowly as I was still not in the mood then. Oh man, I'm so gonna pay for this! :p

This weekend will be packed for me- helping out in the Charity Run Carnival and having to catch up with lecture notes, do AIR topic and of course PBL- all within one weekend.

Today's PBL session went on well :D I think I presented my part quite clearly. And my new PBL groupmates turned out to be quite a cooperative and enthusiastic group.

Today- we had a briefing about the brand new exam format, which we would be exposed to beginning the upcoming summative assessment.
They are introducing new type of questions:-
a) EMQ- extending matching questions- whereby a minimum of 10 choices will be given, and each answer can be selected either once, more than once or not at all
b) MEQ- modified essay questions- whereby a clinical scenario is given, and we have to answer questions about the case given. The catch is, the questions will be given in 3 parts- and once you've answered part A, you have to put it in an envelope. And when part B comes, and gives you a hint about the answer for part A, unfortunately, you wouldn't be able to go back to part A anymore.

I remember the incredulous laughter erupting from the back of the class when Dr.Thani showed us some samples of the questions this morning.

Why oh why does my batch always have to be the guinea pig batch? The very first batch to have EOS 2 instead of EOS1, the first batch to have 50 as a passing mark ( as if that helped) and now....the first batch to have this new exam format. And not forgetting......the first batch to have OSCE as an entirely separate assessment altogether.

Oh well, after a long break- what can I expect? It is going to be a hectic and crazy month for me!

Semester 3....here we come!!

Yep....today is officially the start of a brand new semester for me and my batchmates.

We have been in IMU for exactly one year now, and we are now officially 2nd year medic students. Woohoo!

I've to admit that I'm not really geared up yet for this new semester. After the long holidays, the longest I've had since a long time, it'll take quite a while for me to adjust back to this routine.
PBLs....CSUs...AIR topics..... it has been quite a while since I've done any of these.

Today we had our first PBL session of the semester. I still don't know my faci's full name......an Indian guy with the initials S.A.

My new PBL groupmates seem to be quite a hardworking and dedicated bunch....we'll see how it goes. Our group's concept is to read up on everything, but each of us concentrate on one particular topic. I think I like it this way. :)

During lunchhour today, right before PBL session, me and several friends decided to sneak in a little fun and drive out to Secret Recipe for lunch. This is the second time I've been to Secret Recipe within the past few days...( the last time with Lynn Xuan in Kuching on Saturday). I love Secret Recipe! The spaghetti is delicious, so are the pies, and the chicken steak, and the cakes and cookies.....yummm...... The food is rather expensive though.

Yesterday..... Lynn Xuan and I were on the same flight back to KL from Kuching. It was supposed to be a 1 and a half hour flight, and we were supposed to land in LCCT at 1.30 pm.
Everything was smooth going at first, and the announcement had been made that we were going to land at the airport soon. But then, as the aeroplane was about to land, something unusual happened. The plane suddenly flew upwards again without warning. We were surrounded by dark clouds literally, and the entire plane was shaking and wobbling. It turned out that the plane couldn't land due to bad weather. That few minutes, when the pilot was struggling to fly the plane back upwards, was scary. (You've to be in the plane to understand what I mean). The plane was flying very low, and it seemed like there was trouble trying to get the plane to fly back upwards. It was the first time the prospect of death actually entered my mind. What if something actually happened? I wouldn't be able to see my family, my dear mum, my friends again. I would never be a doctor!
But I was feeling surprisingly calm. It was as if something within me was telling me that everything was going to be ok. And it was then I realized that it is all in God's hands. He is our Creater, so He decides when exactly we should enter and when we should leave the earth.

Anyways, the plane eventually stabilized, and the flight was diverted to the Penang Airport. We stayed in the plane for half and hour at it was stationed at the airport, before it was given the green light to proceed on back to KL. What a journey! ( I wished that I could go down and go sightseeing in Penang! Hah)


p.s. So news has it that nasioncom has gone bankrupt. And so the internet connection at my place is down. Gah!!!!!

Busy....busy.....busy.....

In the Damai Beach hotel room.

At the Sarawak Cultural Village

The past few days have been busy times for me. Practically every single day, there's someone to meet up with....someone to entertain.... not that I'm complaining, hehe.

If you scroll down....just 2 entries ago, I was complaining about how booring and lonely it is to be back home in Kuching.
Then, this week, actually not long after I made that post....things took a 360 degree turn. I was being kept occupied every single day.

On Wednesday and Thursday... my cousin brought two Japanese friends over to Kuching, it was my job to organize their Kuchng trip. You see, my cousin went to Japan as part of a Youth Exchange programme for one month recently. And now, one of her hosting families came over to stay at her place. and because Sibu is a small town, it was planned for them to come over to Kuching.
Anyways, with Uncle David doing all the driving, and me the planning......we brought them to places such as the Sarawak Musuem, the pottery factory, the Sarawak Cultural village.....and last but not least...Damai Beach! Haha.

Then yesterday, I met up with Gillian, one of my friends when I was in UK. *Hey, if you're reading this.....do give a shoutout ya! ;)

And today.....managed to meet up with Lynn Xuan. Hope you enjoyed the free facial!! ;)

And tomorrow, I'm heading back to KL, for the start of a brand new semester. I'm so not looking forward to doing AIR topics, PBLs, catching up with lectures.....

But nevermind, I have friends and housemates to help me get through this.

I feel loved :D


p.s. My camera ran out of battery. And I still haven't really figured out how to transfer pictures from hp to camera. So photos will come in later.

p.p.s Comments are very much appreicated! I wonder how many of my batchmates actually read my blog. *points to the previous post* ;)