Taking Control

I'm trying to get hold of my life again. I'm trying to remove myself from all things which will cause me to have neugative thinking. I want to make myself happier. This is the only way I can move on if I cannot detach myself from my negative thinking. Since I cannot stop comparing myself to the other Omelia writers out there, I have to stop writing Omelia fics. There are too many Omelia writers already out there.

I have unfollowed Omelia accounts which write or reblog Omelia fics.

I have organized my Tumblr blog so that it is separated into 3 accounts- one for Grey's, one for motivational and cute stuff, and one separate one from a different email for This Is Us.

Also, I have decided to fade into the background of the Omelia group chat I am currently in. It just hurts so much that they only read and praise her fics, whereas they never read my fics anymore. I'll just stop interacting with them and maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

At least I still have Liz and Sandra to chat with online and my family to support me in real life.

Furthermore, I have more important things to focus on, like my work, and better things to keep me occupied like reading.

I am reoganizing and taking control of my life. I can do this!!!

I wish

I do wish a lot of things.

I wish that I can lose more weight.

I eat oats or cereal for breakfast everyday, then oats with a bit of meat and vegs for lunch and just a few spoons of rice ( or glass noodles which are not fattening) with a bit of meat and vegs for dinner. And I do gym twice a week and yoga twice a week. But I am still my old chubby self. I hate it 😞 i still get called fat or chubby even though I have lost 12 kg from 4 years ago. During my vacation in Thailand last week, I had a hard time finding a shirt or trousers which suit me.

I wish that I can have people asking me, whether on anon or not, when is my next fic update going to be, or give me prompts to write because no one ever asks me ( although other fic writers get asked that a lot) and I’m no longer motivated to write because I feel like no one cares.

I wish I can just leave my clinic and everything behind and go on a vacation by the beach.

I wish I can be a freelance writer and write anything I want and be paid for it instead of being in a job which only gives me money but no satisfaction.

Well, a girl can wish right? 😅