Sunday, June 7, 2015

I'm Tired

I’m tired
I’m just so tired.
I’m tired of being pampered by my family but at the same time being looked down upon by everyone else.
I’m tired of trying my very f***ing best in everything I do- seeing patients to the best of my ability and doing all I can for them, but getting no appreciation at all in return. Instead all I get is criticism for apparently not seeing patients fast enough.
I’m tired of just running in circles every single day, every single week. Every day is just the long drive to and from work, going to work seeing the same old patients, seeing the same old colleagues who barely talk to you, coming back doing gym, dinner, study, sleep. Life has become meaningless. I feel so empty inside. Something is missing, and I can’t pinpoint what it is.
I’m tired of my family members telling me that I should be happy as I have everything I need, a loving family, a big comfortable house, I should be happy,. But I’m not….and I can’t tell them why. I’m tired of trying to be happy for them and living up to their expectations of being this obedient daughter.
I’m just tired of living in general. Anyways, if I leave this world, no one will miss me, except my family members. They and God are the only reason why I am still hanging on right now. And my favourite shows and fanfics too.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

All I want

All I want is to be appreciated by others.
I just want someone to tell me that I am alright, that I am loved, that I am worth it.
I am sure I have some good traits in me too, something special about me which others and even I myself cannot see.


Monday, May 25, 2015

Hopeless

I never seem to be important enough for anyone ( except maybe my mom)....once I am out of sight, I am out of mind.... Everytime I go to a new place..  people in the old place will just forget about me....I am so forgettable. I bet when I leave this world, no one will miss me....I am just a tiny speckle of dust after all....
Who cares about me?  No one will read this anyways.... This is my secret about how I feel about myself....useless, hopeless, without a future.  I'll never get married or have children,  I'll die alone.  That's the reason why I want to die young...

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Appreciated

I just want to feel more appreciated by the people around me....at least one kind word of appreciation would be enough to make my day. Is it too much for a girl to ask for? :/

Monday, April 6, 2015

Maybe...

Maybe...just maybe if I don't worry too much about what other people think I would be much happier?  I mean, I know sometimes listening to constructive criticism and advice from others is important to improve oneself, but maybe I take every single thing to heart. I am too sensitive. And that's why I am seldom happy. Maybe that's the reason? Hmm....
I can't possibly please every single person on the planet after all, I'm only human. 


Saturday, April 4, 2015

I wonder...

I wonder why I am always not happy most of the time....I don't know what is wrong with me....I have everything I could possibly want....and yet I am still not happy. It's like there is a missing piece, a hole in my heart. I have to find the missing piece! Lord, help me...

Thursday, April 2, 2015

Lately I've been wondering....

Lately I've been wondering- when I leave this world- will anyone remember me? Will anyone actually miss me? Who will attend my funeral? Well - obviously my mum, stepfather and stepsisters...but will anyone else remember me? Will I be remembered for all the mistakes I've done and all my flaws- or will I be remembered for a very few good traits I have or good deeds I've done? Done anyone actually appreciate me ( other than my family members?) I wish to make more of an impact on the life of others before I leave this world.