There is no use crying over spilt milk.

What is done is done.

No use regretting over what is done and what should've been done.

Should have, could have...

I am disappointed in myself.

But all I can do now is to look forward and start preparing for EOS5.

I never learn

It's that time of the semester again.......everyone including me begin slogging for the upcoming summative exams. We have not 2, but 3 systems to cover this time! So much to study, so little time.

I don't feel confident at all for this exam. I still have a lot to study.

And who is to be blamed? Me myself, of course. I never learn.
Everytime, the same thing happens. The exams are just around the corner, and I start panicking and stressing out about the amount of revision I have left to cover. I see everyone else feeling calm and prepared, and I start telling myself- they have studied a lot already and they are confident.

Then the exam day arrives- I barely scrap through.

And I tell myself that I would turn over a new leaf and start preparing early for the next exam so that the same thing doesn't happen again.

But somehow, I just can't find the motivation in me to start revision for exams earlier. Keeping up with daily lecture notes - no problem for me, but revising before an exam....I just can't seem to start. I don't know why.

Then, the next exam draws near, and I start panicking again and wondering why I didn't start my revision earlier.

The exact same thing happens again.

It is like a vicious cycle that I need to break out of.

Lord help me!!


*throws hands up in the air exasperatedly


p.s. I fried some fish today :)

How are you?

I never realized that I ask the sentence 'How are you' all the time, until a friend of mine pointed it out.

I thought it is just a normal question.....especially when I don't know what else to talk to the person about. When I feel like I have to say something- but the other person isn't cooperating as usual by just keeping silent- that's all I have in mind to ask.
It's just a reflex question. Don't feel intimidated by it- it's just my poor attempt at trying to be friendly.

I try, you know, I really do.

And some random stuff:

1) I have trouble in finding a partner for GP posting. Will think about it after the exams.

2) I got Literature for selectives! It was my first choice

3) Thank you for calling me for advice. :) It's my great pleasure to comfort you over the phone

4) Our PBL group dynamics have improved tremendously since we first started out. Keep it up, guys!

5) One of my PBL groupmates was using staying up to watch the Germany vs Portugal Euro 2008 match as an excuse for not contributing much to the PBL discussion today.
That triggered me to stay up to watch the second quarterfinal....Croatia vs Turkey tonight.
Omg, what the..... It was such a boring match......and then 2 minutes before the end of extra time, Croatia scored. And barely a minute after that.....Turkey equalized... Let's see how which team will win the penalty shootouts.... eta : Turkey is through.... Sucks to be Croatia, lol!

6) One more week left!!!!! Arrrghhhh........

Happy Father's Day

I would just like to take the opportunity to say Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.

True, there are many who are lucky to have such loving and caring fathers who they can depend on for financial and emotional support. However, there are others who never experienced a father's love....due to death, divorce, or simply because of the lack of emotions from the father's part. There are many children- especially in this part of the world, who just long for their father's to hug them, to show them love and to encourage them.

Even though I never experienced a Father's love when I was younger, I'm glad to have found it now.

Thank you.....Uncle David for finally letting me experience a father's love. Thank you for treating me like your own daughter. I really appreciate it :)

And thank you God that I have a heavenly Father in you.

I have to learn to let go....of my hurts from the past..... and open up. Let God cleanse me of all my past sorrows.

this picture makes me sad....:( Why did he have to leave?

Stressed!!

I'm so darn stressed out right now!

The Endocrine, Repro and Renal exams are just 2 weeks away, and I still have a lot of revision to cover!! Not to mention...Renal Physiology is the hardest to grasp the concept. Everyone around me is studying like mad. I do study, but somehow I don't feel like I put in much effort at all. I get stressed when I see everyone studying. And I end up staying up late to compensate. And this results in me getting less sleep. And thus my dizziness on Friday evening.

The worst thing is...everytime I step out of my room, I would see my two housemates busy studying outside at the living area. They are so hardworking- they work day and night! This just puts more stress/pressure on me. I just feel like I'm so lazy compared to them!
I'm not the type that can handle stress or pressure well.

I cannot blame them though- they study outside because they want to conserve electricity.
So everytime I walk out of the room, I pretend not to notice them :P

I know it's a small matter for most people, but I just can't tolerate seeing others study so hard. Makes me feel inefficient as a student, like I don't study as much :/ I just can't help comparing myself to others and making myself feel stressed and belittled as a result.

*refers to her previous post on ways to destress herself*

I cannot watch anymore 'Lost' episodes!! I just watched 'Tabula Rasa' the very first flashback episode ever of 'Lost' on Friday night.

How I destress

Want to know the ways in which I relieve stress? (this is updated- meaning these are the most current methods I'm using. Past methods are now considered irrelevant ;) )

1. Listening to Christian songs (the songs that Eunice kindly burned into a CD for me. I've been replaying them over and over again. There are all my favourite songs!)

2. Talking to others. I have to be careful not to irritate others by my complaining of how stressed I am. :P I know others are in the same situation as me and are stressed too!

3. Popping in the 'Lost' Season 1 DVD. Ok- this is NOT a good example, so do not follow!
When I feel like I cannot take it anymore, I just pop one of the season 1 Lost DVDs and watch one episode, while studying at the same time. It is nice reliving those good old days in season 1, when the survivors still harbored hope of rescue, when the only threats on the island were Smokey and the Polar Bear. (No mention of The Others or the Freighties then). And the squabbles among the Survivors were just due to some silly misunderstanding or miscommunication among them. How things have changed since then! And how characters like Sun and Sawyer have evolved into the people they are now! (Sun into the corporate raider in the future and Sawyer into the hero). Loved the Jack and Kate dynamics back then too. And miss Boone, Shannon and Charlie :(
Oh- it does help me destress. The magic of the trade is....only allow yourself to watch one episode each time you do so.



The first scene ever of 'Lost'- Jack awaking in the middle of the jungle right after the crash

Arrrgggghhh....

PBL 3. As if PBL 1 and 2 aren't enough.

72 slides of P.Kumar's lecture notes.

Only 2 and a half more weeks left to the Endocrine, Repro and Renal exams.

And I have barely started. (Don't ask me why. I just never learn!)

ARrggghh....!!!!!

Weary....

I am tired and weary. Tired of having to please others all the time. Tired of having all my actions being defined by how others would perceive me. Weary of having to meet up to the expectations of others. Weary of making others upset because of something I fail to do. Tired of having to keep this smiling face all the time, so that people don't see me as this moody and grumpy person.

Maybe I should just focus back on God and focus on what God wants me to do. And block out the rest.

Fang Han's birthday

So many people celebrated their birthdays yesterday!!

Tracy
Yunn Cheng
last but not least.....housemate Fang Han

I would just like to wish these 3 wonderful people a very happy birthday.....and many happy birthdays to come!!

And Cheng.... pray that you'll grow stronger in your walk with the Lord :)

Anyways....since I have only one self, and I can't divide myself into 3 even though I might want to.....I was involved in only Fang Han's birthday celebrations.

Housemate Rachel and I have been planning since quite a while ago for housmate Fang Han's birthday....since this is her first birthday celebrated here.....last year, she celebrated at home.

The plannings and preparations started off last Sunday, when we both and Yee Xuan went to Sunway Pyramid to shop for a handbag for her. After plenty of scouting around.....we were torn between two bags.....a white bag with a ribbon in front, and a black and white striped bag. We finally decided on the later one since the former one might be too girly/cute for her :p

The handbags in that particular shop (I forgot the name) were rather costly, I must say. And almost all the handbags there are of the same price.

My and housemate Rachel were cracking our brains for the past few days to think of a surprise birthday plan for Fang Han. The initial plan was to hold a poolside party for her at the Vista C swimming pool. But due to unforeseen circumstances, the plan was cancelled :(

Anyways, on Wednesday night, I went to Fang Han's room to chat with her as normal (to distract her from going out of her room). While Rachel let William and Chong Bing in and they lighted a small cake and prepared some snacks at the dining table. Then at the stroke of midnight, the three of them barged into Fang Han's room and we all sang happy birthday. We then talked crap for the rest of the night. :D And camwhored a bit too.

Thursday was a tiring day since I had the Dialysis center visit in the morning.

After Malaysian studies class in the afternoon, I rushed down to join some of our batchmates who were waiting in the canteen with a green tea cake. After some time, finally Fang Han came down, and we all sang happy birthday and shared the cake. (Green tea is Fang Han's favourite flavour, btw)

At night was the big celebration.

Right after lectures,I had a huge job to do....which was to keep Fang Han at school for as long as possible, while Rachel rushes home to prepare her surprise party.

I acted as normal, trying to dilly dally time. It was HYY's lecture, meaning that at the end of the lecture, everyone would be rushing down to ask her questions. I casually joined in the enthusiastic group of students :p We made a few stops on the way back....washroom, library, mamak stall outside vista B to 'da pao dinner' and the vista B shop before we finally walked slowly back. All the while, I was trying my best to make everything seem as normal as possible.

When the both of us finally arrived home , nothing seemed unusual. The lights were off and it was silent.

Fang Han opened the door of her bedroom and.....surprise....at least 10 -15 friends were hiding in the room! (Rachel got her spare room key, hah)

So we had a great evening with pizza, coke, chatting and camwhoring and poppint balloons.

Busy day....

Today has been one of the most tiring days for me....

For starters, at 10:30 am, I had Clinical Skills Unit (CSU) session. After the demonstration of how to insert urinary catheters for both male and female patients, and after watching the examination videos, we split into smaller groups for physical examination.

And guess which lecturer walked into the room we were waiting in? Yes....Dr. Htin Aung. Hah, just our luck!! For readers who aren't from IMU....he is one of the most strict lecturers in our university. But gotta give him credit....because we learn a lot from him. Although he can be very stern and tends to belittle us students, I guess that's his style of teaching. He himself came from a strict traditional background, so I guess he was molded to be that way, and he wants to mold us too.....so that we can become excellent doctors too in the future. (Yes, that's what he told us today- he somehow always takes the time to tell us that he wants us to become excellent doctors)

If we get him for the CSU sessions, we have to be prepared to be dismissed later than others....which is exactly what happened to my group. He started off talking about the theory first, before going through in detail the physical examination of a renal patient.

He scolded one of my groupmates for answering 'I'm not sure' instead admitting that they don't know the answer. I was so afraid that he would discover my uncut finger nails when we were performing the balloting of the kidneys....but luckily he didn't (or pretended not to) notice.

Due to our late dismissal from the CSU session.... we only had half and hour for lunch.


After which was our first PBL session for the renal system.

And guess who is our PBL facilitator for this system? Dr. FIA (I didn't put his full name because....well you'll see later)

Anyways.....he briefed us about how he would like the PBL sessions to be carried out , what he expects from them, and what PBL really meant. He wants us to use the whiteboard to present, which we haven't been doing all this while since this semester started. And he really made us crack our brains and use our critical thinking as well!

He asked us to introduce ourselves- tell where we're from and our hobbies. When I said that blogging is my hobby, he mentioned about wanting to check out my blog! (So now you know why I didn't write his full name?) ;)

I volunteered to be the group leader for this trigger, since I have yet to have my turn as the leader.

At the end of the session, we were encouraged to give some feedback in order to improve in subsequent sessions. Most of us commented that we were a bit stiff and awkward today, because we were still not used to our new faci and presentation mode.

Throw in two whole hours of Dr. Nilesh Kumar lectures in the evening, and a church service at night ( a sermon by Dr. Robb Thompson)- it has indeed been a busy and tiring day for me!)

Sarawakian Food

Sarawak Laksa
Kampua Mee
Midin


Sarawakian food is still the best!! ;)

Learning is a lifelong process

As a medical student and future doctor, I know that learning is a lifelong process.

When we graduate and become doctors, we still have so much to learn in our daily encounters with patients and our experiences in the wards. We would still have to keep ourselves updated on the latest development and advancement in the field of medicine.

We will never stop learning.....until the day we leave the world.

God uses our entire lifetime to mould us to become more like Him each day.... We are His disciples!

Sometimes, the process of learning and moulding may be painful, but that is part of life. We all have to go through it.

I know that there are a lot of things about myself that I have to change. The question is whether I myself am willing to change for the better or not. Whether I am willing to accept my own weaknesses and work on them. Of course I am. I want to learn from all my past mistakes and hopefully learn to be a better person in the future. This is a never ending process. We'll never stop learning while we are in this world!

On another note, I just got myself a brand new handbag today!