Hmm.....I have so many things in my mind right now.....so many things to vent out about....but now that I am properly sitted right in front of my laptop......I don't know what to write about......
Actually....no....once I get my 'writers' mode set.... nothing can stop me, hah.
Went for a proper MMS revision visit for the very first time today. Am trying to block off the fact that almost the entire class has already been there at least a couple of times for the past couple of weeks...while I was still basking in the luxury of home. Lot's of catching up to do, man! So many models to see.....so many slides to study. (Question: Do we really have to remember every single label on every single model? Because that's near impossible to do so.) Hmm....studying those models can be very straining and tiring for our poor eyes! I had difficulty in locating the numbers labelled on the model at times. At other times, I had trouble locating the model corresponding to the paper which I was holding.
But it wasn't bad at all a progress for me today. Managed to look through quite a few models. Omg....the brain models.....there were segments of the brain models scattered around the entire table......sort of like people selling brains at a wet market or something..... Well, I have seen real human brains before, so those are like nothing.....:P
Ok...now let's get to my rant...... I AM SO FED UP OF STUDYING. SO SIEN. Call me a lazy bum, I don't care. Try struggling with your studies for a whole 3 years.....and then starting all over again from square one with a brand new course and knowing that you have 4 more years of slogging to go through. Endless studying. I feel like I am born in this world to study, that I spend my entire lifetime studying. Not to mention when you've spent your entire childhood studying and being a nerd while other children are happily playing with each other.
No one will understand. No one. People will just brush it off by saying that it's a fact of life, we all have to study, whether we like it or not. Try struggling with your studies for 3 years doing something that you do not like at all....and having more than half your supposedly long summer holidays spent on studying for resits. And then failing all the time.
Why did I ever take up Neuroscience in the first place? That is the question that I get all the time. Com'on....when it was suggested to me, I didn't even have an inkling what it was about and what I was getting myself into. I certainly didn't want to do Pharmacy....memorizing drug names is not exactly my cup of tea. And it still isn't. I was supposed to do medicine....but none of the 4 UK universities I applied to accepted me. I don't know why. It can't have been something to do with my results....because my actual IB results were fine. And I was too egoistic then to consider doing medicine back home in Malaysia.
Anyways.....now that it's over and done with....and I have a certificate which I can now frame up as a decoration on the wall......now what? I can't get a job simply by earning a BSc in Neuroscience. I have to continue Masters and PhD. No way. My loathe for Neuroscience has grown so much that I can't imagine tolerating yet another year of it.
So medicine is the other alternative. Because I had no other options other than either continuing with Neuroscience or doing medicine instead. According to my mum. Because there are no other courses offered in universities throughout the world except these 2 courses. (/sarcasm).
Because courses such as journalism or writing or accountancy are not heard of in this part of the world, or at least in this country. Because in this hierachial Asian society....the only jobs available for our young people are doctors, pharmacists and lawyers. And accountancy for those not so brilliant ones. The Arts are never appreciated in this part of the world. Which is why we are lacking in creative young minds. Seriously. Imagine yourself telling your parents one day that you want to become a singer, writer, artist, composer, director,TV presenter......and just imagine their immediate reactions. You'll get what I mean.
Did I manage to get my point across? Yeah....I still don't know why I agreed on doing medicine. All I remember was my mum pleading to me on the phone and telling me that it is my chance to prove to others that I can do it. Prove? Prove what? That I still can become a doctor even though I am trapped in a petite body? Prove that I still can become someone successful despite suffering from Turner's Syndrome? Taking up medicine to fulfill my obligations to my loved ones and to the society and to the country?
Is life supposed to be like this? Living for others......living up to others expectations? Can I possibly make everyone happy all the time? Because all my life, I have tried desperately to make others happy. Sometimes maybe I try too hard. But of course no one knows, no one appreciates it. They think that it is something that I am obliged to do.
I wonder sometimes.....why it is that so many people want to become doctors? Because it is a noble profession. We get to help others....even at our own expense. Noble. yeah. Hats off to you for actually putting others first, and willing to sacrifice everything you have to help strangers.
Because my actual ambition is actually to just have a stable job, enough to let me and my family lead a comfortable life. My ambition has never been to work around the clock without rest and then getting paid a meager wage.
For those of you who want to become doctors because you want to get rich......I'm sorry but you have taken the wrong course. Venture into business instead.....you'll earn much more money that way. I'm serious.
No.....don't get me wrong. I am CERTAINLY NOT implying that I want to quit medical school. (Well, unless I get kicked out, that's an entirely different story altogther, hah). I'm still fighting this fight. I still can tolerate the stress of doing medicine. I just want all you medic students to take the time to ask yourselves.....why did you want to take up medicine in the first place? What or who made you do medicine? Why do you want to become a doctor? If it is for noble intentions....such as helping others....well then good for you =)
I know myself that when I have children in the future.....I am going to let them do whatever they want. Because there are so many job opportunities waiting for them out there....so many other options to be explored.
p.s. I am feeling lonely :( Just this feeling of solitude that is so integral to me ever since my childhood years. Guess a habit of solitude from young can last for a lifetime.
6 comments:
Turner's syndrome? You have Turner's syndrome?? Wait... what's that??
Well, I think this is a good post. It is really interesting to get into your mind what you're really thinking and how you ended up in medical school. For me, I am grateful that this thing I choose is fully supported by my parents.. even though it may cost me not having time for family.. it's not easy.. but I always remember one thing - finding joy in whatever we do. Studying about our body is very intriguing. Cannot imagine doing anything else.. well, except theology, perhaps.
oh my... well, i do not profess that i know exactly how u're feeling... coz so far i've only failed once (let's hope thats the last!)... but i guess i can a bit of inkling of what u're feeling right now...
it's a natural thing. we med students often question ourselves what the heck did we choose to torture ourselves with endless studying... i get that quite often. esp when my efforts dont match the results i get.
but as long as u're really really sure that this what u want, i'll say, go for it, girl~!
sometimes we hvta live for ppl, that is a fact of life. but there comes a time where we feeling like bursting (sometimes i wonder why did i chose med, was it becoz of my mum's persuasions?) i think the best is to come to a compromise, if possible.
anyway, since u're already in imu, why not just try to make the best of it first? and see what happens?
right, u must gambate ya! study hard!
[and ospe is not really that important i think. the SAQ part is the killer.]
keep the fire burning!
Lynn Xuan- I suggest you go google Turner's Syndrome. ;) See what you can find. I have one glaringly obvious physical manisfestation of the syndrome. The other symptoms, not so. Good for you that you yourself actually choose to do medicine! =) That way it makes it easier for you, because this is what you really want to do, so you can really strive hard towards achieving your goal.
Zi Yun- yeah I know that not many people would know exactly what I'm going through. Oh Well. Right....I'll fight through right to the end. Just want this hell of a week to be over and done with.
Ailing to Zi Yun- btw, thanks for your encouragement and fire. =)
How about combining medicine with your love of writing? You could write TV scripts for a M'sian ER! Or become a medical journalist! Just passing on Jon's thoughts!
Hope you're not feeling too blue!
Amy!!! :) Glad to see you here again!
LoL....Malaysian ER!! Never thought about that before....hmm....maybe that'd be a good idea ;)
Anyways...hope you and Jon are doing fine over there..send my regards to him again. I'm going to Cardiff for my Graduation in July....really hope to see the both of you there then!
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