OMG!!!!!!

Just one sentence. One simple sentence. But it's enough to send me jumping to the moon and back. Jk. But yes, I'm in 7th Heaven right now. The joy, the elation. That's all I needed to know. Whatever grade I get....be it a B or a C, it doesn't matter anymore. The most important thing is that....I passed the End of Semester exams!!! Now, I can proceed on to my 2nd year of medicine with confidence!

FINALLY, I passed an exam on my first try. For the first time in the past few years, I do not have to go through the horrendous torture of sitting for resit exams.

YES, I DO NOT HAVE TO RESIT THIS HOLIDAYS!! Now, I can fully enjoy the rest of my holidays without any worries or burdens!!!

Omg, this is pure joy.

Eta: Alright, now that I'm more composed....actually now I realize that the very first emotions I felt upon learning that I passed the exam was...not exactly joy or elation. Instead, I felt a sense of relief overtake me. Relieved. Very relieved. Had I not passed, I wouldn't be able to do my elective in 'The Star' for the next 2 weeks, thus again robbing me of a golden opportunity to gain working experience. My Europe plans for the month of July....going for graduation, and the trip to Barcelona, would be in utter chaos, and I would have had to cancel or reschedule all my flight bookings.

So I really thank God that I passed!!!

I remember those times when I was studying Neuroscience in Cardiff. I had to resit a couple of modules every single year. It was really a tocher for me. And those times, when I eagerly checked my long awaited results in anticipation....only to find out that I had failed one or two modules...and had to resit them again. The tears of disappointment that I shed. And subsequently, having more than half of my summer holidays gone on studying for resits. The embarrassment I felt when I couldn't attend last year's graduation ceremony together with my coursemates, because I had not passed.

Thank God those days are over.

Thank God that I finally can get to attend this years Neuroscience graduation ceremony, even if

it isn't with my original group of coursemates.

God is still Good. He makes sure that everything will work out fine for me in the end. =)

A Brand New PC!!!

Well...haven't been updating for quite a while....which is surprising, considering that it's the holidays.

It is mainly because....my home PC was spoilt. The CPU couldn't be used anymore, the regulator was burnt. Had no idea why that happened....apparently my computer's CPU has been spoilt for so long....but my cousin who knew about it( because he used my PC when he was staying at my place for about a year or so while studying Graphic Design at LimKokWing university) didn't even utter a single word about it. Instead, he disconnected my computer's CPU...left it on the floor and connected the computer monitor to his own CPU, which he brought over all the way from Sibu instead.
So when he returned back to Sibu after one year ...only then I realised that the CPU was actually spoilt.

Well, there's always a blessing after a curse right? The good thing is that I got to purchase a brand new PC for my study room at home! Went to Wisma Saberkas aka the 'Low Yat Plaza' of Kuching to purchase a brand new 'acer' PC. It comes complete with 'Windows Vista', the latest Windows version available in the marketplace. According to the salesgirl, Windows Vista is stil not 'stable', as there are many websites and software which are not compatible with it yet. But it's ok...in time it will be fine, when people start using this latest version of Windows. I chose it over another cheaper package... because this package contains the original version of Windows and Office. It's no doubt more expensive....over 1,800 ringgit...but I think it's more worth it then having to avoid clicking on any updates for fear of jamming the computer had I purchased the illegal version.

So altogether...plus the modem and a new regulator....had to spend over 2,100 ringgit for this new purchase! But I'm loving my new PC at the moment. It has everything....the latest version of Microsoft Office...the latest Windows Media Player...and CD burner and DVD player.... The only thing that is bugging me at the moment is the slow internet connection. Oh well, I'm still using dial up at home.....so have to get used to slow dial-up!!

Thank you Tze Chien for helping me to install my new PC!! See, girls can do anything a guy can! ;)

And...lol, if you had been reading the chatterbox, you would've known that I couldn't get in a new entry yesterday, because of my blog being blocked by 'Spam Robots' on the basis that it has the characteristics of a spam blog. Wth? Lol. Anyways, glad that my blog is unlocked now. =)

I haven't been doing anything much for the past week ever since I got back to Kuching. Just waking up late, watching almost anything on Astro, having scumptuous meals, reading Sophie Kinsella, having family time, etc. I've to admit I feel kindof left out when my mum talks to my other family members about her business. You see, they are rennovating her shop right now. So she's busy now with the rennovation and all the other stuff regarding her beauty centre business. Top it off with her beauticans deciding to resign one by one. Yep, quite a stressful time for her, I must say.

Not looking forward to the 7th June!! Wish me good luck for the release of my exam results!! I really really hope that I pass, so that my entire holidays plans don't get jeopardized and go down the drain.

Right...until then, I'm signing off......

Post-EOS celebrations

WHEEEEE!!!!!! The exams are finally over.

Whee!!!!!!!!! First year of medicine over ( well , almost except for electives and rotation posting). And provided I don't have to resit. *crosses fingers*

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more having to remember the different layers of the epidermis and the different types of connective tissue in the body.

No more having to remember about beta-oxidation and fatty acid synthesis and Krebs cycle and glycolysis and gluconeogenis.

No more having to remember the various structures of the bones and the different types of bones. No more having to remember the different muscles and how muscles contract.

No more having to remember the different types of blood cells.

No more having to remember the different types of immunoglobulins and T-lymphocytes.

No more having to remember words such as Plasmodium falciparum, Taenia Saginata, Toxoplasma Gondii, Leishmaniasis, Cryptosporum parvum, Giardia Lambdia, Blastocystis Hominis, and Clonorchis sinensis and getting those words stuck in my head as a result.

No more having to remember about acute and chronic inflammation, the different stages of healing and repair, the different types of necrosis and the different types of neoplasm.

No more having to remember the names of cholinergic and nicotinic receptor agonists and antagonists. No more having to remember the names of adrenergic agonists and antagonists.

Well, of course I still have to remember all these things for the rest of my life ( or my medical career at least) but finally I can afford to push these stuff temporarily out of my mind.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Watched 'Pirates of the Carribean.'
Went shopping.
Bought my first Sophie Kinsella book...'.Confessions of a Shopaholic.'
Went bowling and discovered that my bowling really sucks big time.
Went Karoake-ing.
Went to dine at Sushi King.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh ya.....the exams.....

SAQ ( Short answer Question) segment was HORRIBLE for me. I left out a lot of questions. Some....I was very sure I came across before....but the answers just simply can't come out. A couple of questions....I couldn't answer them because I left out on reading the notes. Meh :/

MCQ was fine. OSPE was much better than SAQ.

So.....the waiting game begins. Results will be out on 7th June. Now it's all out of my hands, and all I can do is wait. And leave it all up to Him.



p.s. Thank you guys for coming over to my house the night before the exams to pray for me :) Really appreciate it. Appreciated the exam tips, especially the one on not pondering on one question for too long because time is limited. Thanks for others for endless support and encouragement! Is was indeed a really stressful time for me.

p.p.s. Going back to Kuching tomorrow! My flight was delayed to late at night....heh. Now, it's finally the LONG holidays.....I can't recall the last time I had a longer-than-one-week holiday!

p.p.p.s. Learnt that I am actually going to get paid for my elective in 'The Star'. Omg, me earning money for the first time!! Ok, now, don't get excited Ailing.....you have to pass your EOS first. Hmmph...

And now....enjoy the pics below!!



Me, Fang Han, Li Cin and Yen Bee



Chong Bing, Yen Bee, me, Fang Han and Ramzi at the Bowling Alley in Times Square


Housemate Fang Han cutting her birthday cake....her birthday is coming soon, and we celebrated it earlier for her, because we are all breaking up for the holidays

Help!!!!!!

I'm dying.

I'm drowning.

I'm on the verge of insanity.

Here's my routine ever since I returned to IMU.

And yet my progress isn't great.


Wake up
Go to library to study
lunch
back to library to study
MMS
dinner
library to study
back home, rest
shower
study

Next Tuesday evening simply wouldn't come fast enough :(

I HATE EXAMS!!!!!!!!!

Omg, I am so gonna fail :( Other people have finished their revision already. I haven't. It's all my fault, again. Despite the fact that I have studied so hard for the past few weeks.

ARRRGHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Take the time to ask yourself.......

Hmm.....I have so many things in my mind right now.....so many things to vent out about....but now that I am properly sitted right in front of my laptop......I don't know what to write about......
Actually....no....once I get my 'writers' mode set.... nothing can stop me, hah.

Went for a proper MMS revision visit for the very first time today. Am trying to block off the fact that almost the entire class has already been there at least a couple of times for the past couple of weeks...while I was still basking in the luxury of home. Lot's of catching up to do, man! So many models to see.....so many slides to study. (Question: Do we really have to remember every single label on every single model? Because that's near impossible to do so.) Hmm....studying those models can be very straining and tiring for our poor eyes! I had difficulty in locating the numbers labelled on the model at times. At other times, I had trouble locating the model corresponding to the paper which I was holding.

But it wasn't bad at all a progress for me today. Managed to look through quite a few models. Omg....the brain models.....there were segments of the brain models scattered around the entire table......sort of like people selling brains at a wet market or something..... Well, I have seen real human brains before, so those are like nothing.....:P

Ok...now let's get to my rant...... I AM SO FED UP OF STUDYING. SO SIEN. Call me a lazy bum, I don't care. Try struggling with your studies for a whole 3 years.....and then starting all over again from square one with a brand new course and knowing that you have 4 more years of slogging to go through. Endless studying. I feel like I am born in this world to study, that I spend my entire lifetime studying. Not to mention when you've spent your entire childhood studying and being a nerd while other children are happily playing with each other.

No one will understand. No one. People will just brush it off by saying that it's a fact of life, we all have to study, whether we like it or not. Try struggling with your studies for 3 years doing something that you do not like at all....and having more than half your supposedly long summer holidays spent on studying for resits. And then failing all the time.

Why did I ever take up Neuroscience in the first place? That is the question that I get all the time. Com'on....when it was suggested to me, I didn't even have an inkling what it was about and what I was getting myself into. I certainly didn't want to do Pharmacy....memorizing drug names is not exactly my cup of tea. And it still isn't. I was supposed to do medicine....but none of the 4 UK universities I applied to accepted me. I don't know why. It can't have been something to do with my results....because my actual IB results were fine. And I was too egoistic then to consider doing medicine back home in Malaysia.

Anyways.....now that it's over and done with....and I have a certificate which I can now frame up as a decoration on the wall......now what? I can't get a job simply by earning a BSc in Neuroscience. I have to continue Masters and PhD. No way. My loathe for Neuroscience has grown so much that I can't imagine tolerating yet another year of it.

So medicine is the other alternative. Because I had no other options other than either continuing with Neuroscience or doing medicine instead. According to my mum. Because there are no other courses offered in universities throughout the world except these 2 courses. (/sarcasm).
Because courses such as journalism or writing or accountancy are not heard of in this part of the world, or at least in this country. Because in this hierachial Asian society....the only jobs available for our young people are doctors, pharmacists and lawyers. And accountancy for those not so brilliant ones. The Arts are never appreciated in this part of the world. Which is why we are lacking in creative young minds. Seriously. Imagine yourself telling your parents one day that you want to become a singer, writer, artist, composer, director,TV presenter......and just imagine their immediate reactions. You'll get what I mean.

Did I manage to get my point across? Yeah....I still don't know why I agreed on doing medicine. All I remember was my mum pleading to me on the phone and telling me that it is my chance to prove to others that I can do it. Prove? Prove what? That I still can become a doctor even though I am trapped in a petite body? Prove that I still can become someone successful despite suffering from Turner's Syndrome? Taking up medicine to fulfill my obligations to my loved ones and to the society and to the country?

Is life supposed to be like this? Living for others......living up to others expectations? Can I possibly make everyone happy all the time? Because all my life, I have tried desperately to make others happy. Sometimes maybe I try too hard. But of course no one knows, no one appreciates it. They think that it is something that I am obliged to do.

I wonder sometimes.....why it is that so many people want to become doctors? Because it is a noble profession. We get to help others....even at our own expense. Noble. yeah. Hats off to you for actually putting others first, and willing to sacrifice everything you have to help strangers.
Because my actual ambition is actually to just have a stable job, enough to let me and my family lead a comfortable life. My ambition has never been to work around the clock without rest and then getting paid a meager wage.
For those of you who want to become doctors because you want to get rich......I'm sorry but you have taken the wrong course. Venture into business instead.....you'll earn much more money that way. I'm serious.

No.....don't get me wrong. I am CERTAINLY NOT implying that I want to quit medical school. (Well, unless I get kicked out, that's an entirely different story altogther, hah). I'm still fighting this fight. I still can tolerate the stress of doing medicine. I just want all you medic students to take the time to ask yourselves.....why did you want to take up medicine in the first place? What or who made you do medicine? Why do you want to become a doctor? If it is for noble intentions....such as helping others....well then good for you =)
I know myself that when I have children in the future.....I am going to let them do whatever they want. Because there are so many job opportunities waiting for them out there....so many other options to be explored.


p.s. I am feeling lonely :( Just this feeling of solitude that is so integral to me ever since my childhood years. Guess a habit of solitude from young can last for a lifetime.

Bring on the pressure, baby!!!

Right.....so I am now back in KL after 2 weeks of study break in Kuching.

These past 2 weeks have been......relaxing and not so relaxing. Relaxing in that I didn't have to face the pressure of seeing my housemates and batchmates study....( yes I seriously crack very easily under pressure, moreso when I see others studying like mad). Back at home, I didn't have to see others studying....I just concentrate on doing my own thing at my own pace. And guess what? It actually works! I revise everyday at a steady pace....although I wish I could go faster at times, but maybe I've reached my limit. Let me let you into a secret......I concentrate the best at night....where there are no distractions at all. That's when I can study non-stop.....lol. So let's just say that the majority of my time spent revising is... at the middle of the night, when everyone else is sleeping. Yeah.
But the mental torment of studying still persists though. I have this habit of sitting in front of the TV with my notes for about an hour or so every evening. I still manage to study during that time, but I always end up feeling guilty about it, lol.
Plus- I still had the time to go out for dinners.......Mother's Day dinner at Pizza Hut, meeting up with my cousin from Sibu....attending a wedding of a relative..... and throw in having a hair cut and passport sized photos taken right after that. Lol
But.....but.....you can't possibly study 24 hours right? Right?

And now that I am back in Vista.....the pressure is back ON. Yeah....bring on the pressure, baby! (/sarcasm). Because seeing other students burying their noses in their notes is the most heavenly sight for me. (/sarcasm.) Gah. What you gotta do? That's a fact that I have to face.

I still have A LOT to cover man! That's what you get when you have to revise BOTH Foundation 1 and Foundation 2 notes combined. The frustrating thing is that even though I really study hard and concentrate on studying ( esp. at night) I still can't cover as much in one day/ study as fast as I'd like to.

That's why I didn't feel like coming back here in the first place. I feel the intense heat of the pressure back here. Maybe it's good for some people....but not so good for a person who easily cracks and crumbles under pressure....like me. Honestly.

And I certainly DO NOT want to resit again. I've been doing resits EVERY YEAR FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS. Seriously. Hopefully I have better luck in medicine? I don't know. Hopefully.

p.s. Been missing this fast internet connection at home. A blessing or a curse??

p.p.s. For some reason, I couldn't acess my Friendster profile back home in Kuching.

p.p.p.s How did America chose Melinda Doolittle to be eliminated over Blake Lewis is beyond me. Definitely a shocking result! Looks like Jordin Sparks now has this American Idol title in the bag! Which is just as well....since she's my favourite. =)

Looks like I haven't been updating for quite a while.....

That's because I've been rather busy with revision for the EOS. You know, it's the big exam, nobody wants to fail.

My revision has been going steady, but very slow. I try to set targets for myself to reach every day, but sometimes I fail to reach them, heh.

Going back to KL this Saturday, and have to hit the MMS every day next week.

I would like to thank my family for being so supportive of me during times like this. There is no place like home.