I haven't written an emo post for a long time, so here goes....

Sometimes I do feel like I am being ignored, brushed off or just underappreciated. I know I sound like such a social outcast or sore loser for stating this, but at times this is what I feel!

I know that this should be an entry from a personal diary and not a public blog post, but this is the only way I can express my feelings to others. Because I am not an openly expressive person and I get tongue tied if I try to express myself in speech. But I don't feel inhibited when I scribble away with my pen or type away on my laptop keyboard.

I just want someone to appreciate me and love me for who I am. I am tired of always being a third party, a third person. Maybe I am being selfish, but I just want someone who will always be there for me, to listen to all my worries, to comfort me....
Right now, all I have are superficial relationships. The 'Hi' 'Bye' friendships, conversations which last for a few minutes the most.

The main reason why I never bother to tell anyone this feeling I have, is because the very first retort I would get is.....'Why don't you open yourself up to people more?'
Well, hello, I do talk to people ok? It's not like I keep my damn mouth shut all the time. If I don't talk or smile or greet people at all, maybe you can say so. I speak for myself that my social skills have improved by leaps and bounds compared to primary and secondary school. I am still shy and quiet somewhat, but not like before. See, you people don't even know me!! And don't expect me to pour out all my worries and life story to someone whom I just have a superficial relationship with.

So stop saying that I am quiet when I already step out of my comfort zone everyday to try and talk to people. I am not the talkative type- sometimes I don't even know what to talk about to the other person. But I try my best, I really do. It's because nobody knows me at all, that's why quiet and serious are the only words that can be used to describe me.

I put on this 'happy' facade everyday, when deep down inside I'm hurting all the time. I don't know, there is this burden in my heart that just wouldn't go away.

People have said that God can be my best friend. Well, it's true, except that when I talk to Him, I can't hear any reply. :/

I know that it's impossible to get everyone to know me, but deep inside, I just wish to reach out to more people, and make an impact on more people's lives. I always wonder, when I die, what will people say about me? Because right now, I don't think much can be said about me.

But it's ok, I'll continue living my life....and maybe one day I'll find someone who really appreciates me for who I am. Maybe one day I'll make a positive impact on people lives, and be a living testimony.