Sometimes I wonder to myself why I always end up alone. It has been that way my entire life.
Did I do anything wrong?
But lately it hit me, maybe the problem lies in myself. I somehow withdraw myself from others without even realizing it. It's like a subconscious automatic reaction of mine.
I never allow myself to get close to anyone, girl or guy. Because I am subconsciously afraid of the hurt I would feel when I 'lose' the person. Childhood experiences- being abandoned by my father, being left out by my best friends in primary and secondary school.... I think it was then that I made an unspoken vow to never ever let myself be really close to anyone again.
My housemate mentioned recently that I am always 'not around' (esp. lately)that's why she couldn't get closer to me, compared to my other housemate. Yeah, I admit that lately I've always disappeared to somewhere else (usually the library).
I just somehow feel very comfortable doing things alone, without need of company.
I need divine intervention....to help me open up my heart to receive others into my life. But at least I received Jesus into my life, and that's the most important thing :)
Did I do anything wrong?
But lately it hit me, maybe the problem lies in myself. I somehow withdraw myself from others without even realizing it. It's like a subconscious automatic reaction of mine.
I never allow myself to get close to anyone, girl or guy. Because I am subconsciously afraid of the hurt I would feel when I 'lose' the person. Childhood experiences- being abandoned by my father, being left out by my best friends in primary and secondary school.... I think it was then that I made an unspoken vow to never ever let myself be really close to anyone again.
My housemate mentioned recently that I am always 'not around' (esp. lately)that's why she couldn't get closer to me, compared to my other housemate. Yeah, I admit that lately I've always disappeared to somewhere else (usually the library).
I just somehow feel very comfortable doing things alone, without need of company.
I need divine intervention....to help me open up my heart to receive others into my life. But at least I received Jesus into my life, and that's the most important thing :)
Question:
Do we all need a best friend or a boyfriend in our lives? Or both? Or can we do without either?
Because lately I've always been lamenting over the fact that I've neither....and I better stop moaning and start thanking God about all the things in life that I DO have.... (like a mum who listens to my every complaint :p )
2 comments:
ok i think i can relate to this.. i was like u before i think.
i blogged abt this b4 but u might not hav read it coz it was kinda long ago.
anyway last time i was hurt on diff occasions by the then best friend. after tat, instead of vowing to not let myself to be close to others again, i vowed to make many many close friends so that even if 1 abandoned me, i'd still have others to be thr for me.
so yeah, that was how i coped with it. do u think that wud be a good plan?
abt the best friend part. lemme tell you it is not easy. coz last all the ppl i regarded as best frenz had diff ideas abt this eventually. so i gues having a best fren tat understands u better than urself is a blessing that not everybody will be lucky enough to have. but.. even if we cant have A best fren, what's wrong with having many very close frenz? it's as fun as well, if not more =)
abt the boyfriend part.. last time i used to think like u too. but i think these sort of things just somehow 'happen'. and imho, it's always better to start off as frenz first then slowly get to know each other b4 progressing to tat..
anyway, those issues are what i'd encountered similarly in life and how i'd coped with them. i hope this advice will help u. be strong! ^^
Hey,
Thanks once again for your detailed advice! :D *hugs*
Yeah, many close friends is a good idea too!
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