M206 rocks!!

My batch's PMS matching results were released yesterday. For our seniors, there would be lots of tears- some of joy and some of disappointment.
But to our pleasant surprise.....basically almost everyone were happy with what they got! A lot of people got their top choices. (Including me....hehe....Seremban ;) ) Our batch is so blessed :) We get everything thrown at us.....EOS2 instead of 1, the new exam format, etc. stand alone OSCE....but we always pull through in the end. M206 is the best!!

p.s. Things are really looking up for me. I am feeling happy now!! :)

p.p.s Watching 'High School Musical 3' today made me realize that....we are all going our separate ways in a few months time....just like the characters in the musical...

Hmmm......weird, why am I such an emo person? :p Well, this is the place where I vent my feelings after all....:p

I just want to praise God today. What started of as yet another gloomy day full of predicament took a drastic turn for the better later in the day. Free food, chattingwith juniors and seniors during lunch and dinner break, a friend telling me that she'll be there for me if I need her.I am surrounded by great people :) Guardian angels, I call them.

I spoke my mind. In the most calm, polite way I know how.
And now I feel like an absolute idiot, a selfish brat who just wants things to go her way.

*sigh*

Temporary treasures

Remember a few posts back....I lamented on how I wish I had a best friend and a boyfriend?

Well, should I be jealous of Meredith Grey, who has both? :p (refer to pic above)

Anyways....I was reminded today of how not to be too attached to the temporary things of the world. Instead, I'm going to focus on storing treasures for the Kingdom of Heaven, where they last for eternity, instead of storing treasures here on earth, where they rot or get stolen. :)

p.s. Oh snap....the pic is too large, as a result you can't see the boyfriend. Click on the pic to see all three people ;)

Help to diagnose!

Ok, readers.....I need your help in making a diagnosis....

Symptoms include:
Misplacing stuff all the time, at least once a week. Stuff include....student ID, tendon hammer, library books, wallet , handphone....etc...
Leaving a place without something, and not realizing it until too late
Remembering something one minute....and forgetting it the next minute.

Any ideas? Any suggestions for treatment and management?

p.s. The funny thing is that my stuff is usually picked up and returned to me by people who know me. In the case of wallet and handphone, the 2 most essential items, they were returned to me before I even realized I had lost them!
And my tendon hammer.....I was about to pay for a new one at the VK Bookstore when the CSU nurse actually literally stopped me from buying, saying that she might have found my hammer!

I keep on telling myself to be more careful, but it always occurs again and again. One good friend even pointed out that ....is it even physiological anymore? it could be pathological, due to my medications. Hmm...could it be?
I'm very frustrated with myself, but it's no use. I'll keep on repeating this same mistake over and over again.

Tag by Joon Heng: :p

1.EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING? Hah, in my dreams....
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?BGR? Question irrelevant. Next....
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED? Chocolates from Amanda Albert
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE? Countless times
5. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? A few weeks ago
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON? Clothes, DVDs
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE? McDonalds, unhealthy I know
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? Girls work in pairs while boys work in groups
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? When You Believe - Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED? Lodge School, Kuching. It's a private school
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER - Celcom
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE - Sungei Wang
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD - forever a student
15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE? Nope..
16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?: No, I'm a good girl :)
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED - don't remember!
18. FIRST FRIEND YOU’D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY: My housemates
19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND: Umm....I don't even know who my best friend is :p
20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT: KFC
21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD
24. CAN YOU COOK? I can throw a simply meal together, but I'm lazy.
25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE? Vios, back at hometown
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED? A few days ago
28. MOST DISLIKED FOOD Baked beans, prickled vegetables, water chestnut
29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF Nothing.
30.THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF? Everything :p
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB? None. Forever a student
33. FAVORITE MOVIE? Titanic
34. CAN YOU SING? Not really
35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED? Passion Tour
36. LAST KISS? I'm still waiting for the first kiss
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED : I buy, I don't rent movies
38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT? My keys, wallet
39: FAVORITE VACATION SPOT? Anywhere relaxing, beside a beach
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?Laptop, you can bring it with you wherever you go
44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN? None
45. DO YOU SMOKE? No, hopefully never will
46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES? With
47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT? My 2 teddy bears....Benee and Beanie
48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK? Sometimes. Just ask my housemate
49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE? Never
50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST? Pancakes
51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE? Not really, but I drink it to keep me awake
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Fried or hard boiled
53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:No
54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Mum, just a few minutes ago
55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:Mum
56. LAST TEXT RECEIVED?: Priscilla
58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?: 2 small, 2 huge ones
59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?Blue Giordano Tshirt and shorts
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: There can be miracles, when you believe
61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB and J?None
62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?: No
63. CAN YOU SWIM? Yes
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Chocolate and vanilla icecream
65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS? Meh
66. I LOVE ________everybody
68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY? Nope
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Spring
70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED ? Just now
71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ? Jumped up of bed at 8:45 am, remembering have to go to church at 9:15.
72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?: Snow!
73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET? Never
75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET? A rabbit named Chalky
76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED? Way Overrated
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?? Catch up on some revision
78. BIRTHDATE 15/9
79. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP Yes
80. ARE YOU SMILING? No
81. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW? My friends in Cardiff
82. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO? USA!! My dream place!!
83. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:No. I don't have fond memories of high school
84. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?: Yes ;)
85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME? Amanda
86. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT? black
88. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH? No
90. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?No, I'm an only child
91. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS? Yes
92. ARE YOU IN LOVE? No, not my time yet
93. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL? Countless times. As a patient....twice (one for tonsillectomy, one for stitches)
94. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE IN PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW? My mum
95. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? My apple earrings, the cross pendant Lynn Xuan gave me, and the pendant my mum gave me.
96. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY? Study
97. TAG THREE OTHER PEOPLE... no one, I don't want to take up anyone's time

IMU Cup Cheerleading Video

Finally, our IMU Cup Cheerleading video!! Enjoy!! :)
Thanks Jin Chong for uploading it onto Youtube!!

p.s. I feel better today :)

Things are not looking up at all.

Depression is starting to overcome me. I must not let it.

Going downhill....slowly but surely.

If only there is someone to go through this with me.

Lord, help me.

Bad Day

Today is just one of those days when you feel like everything around you is dark and gloomy.
And you feel like just falling down a pithole or something, and that no one would really care if that actually happened. I reached the lowest point this evening....just felt like breaking down into tears....but controlled myself. A phone call to mum made me feel much better.

Everyone is beginning to feel the pressure and stress. It is beginning to show in our actions and our faces. Well, this is semester 5 after all. Everyone is now starting to get too caught up in their own studies to even bother to socialize or interact with ppl outside of their cliques.

And the biggest stimulating factor for the depression today- the official start of CNS lectures.
I am reminded of just how tough and complicated learning about the Nervous System is.
How did I manage to get through 3 whole years of studying that subject?
And now, I am reliving the nightmare that is the nervous system.
Ppl say that it should be easier this time around.....but I beg to differ. I totally forgot everything that I've learnt in my Neuroscience degree!

I'll try my best to help out anyone who needs my help (my 2 housemates are already asking me questions) but no guarantees here. Because I myself don't really know what exactly I've learnt for that 3 years in Cardiff...:p

Why is the human brain such a complex organ?

Hmm.....why am I being so emo lately on my blog ? :p I am feeling fine in real life, I assure you readers. I just thought I wanted to let some stuff out which have been nagging my mind for a really long time. And for me, the best way to express my inner feelings is through writing.
But, I'm fine :)

Other people have so much more bigger problems to worry about than me. Mine are just trivial stuff. Others are caught in between their parents- which I assure you is a much worse problem to have then growing up with just one parent.
Others are being beaten, tortured, and battered daily for the sake of living for Christ in certain countries, while the most I get is just being ignored by the Malays.

I shall not moan.

I want to be able to reach out to others in need, to show my compassion to others. Because I know that having a soft and kind heart is one of the gifts (a subtle one) that God has given me.
I want to be able to use my gifts to do wonders for Him!

Alone....

Sometimes I wonder to myself why I always end up alone. It has been that way my entire life.
Did I do anything wrong?

But lately it hit me, maybe the problem lies in myself. I somehow withdraw myself from others without even realizing it. It's like a subconscious automatic reaction of mine.
I never allow myself to get close to anyone, girl or guy. Because I am subconsciously afraid of the hurt I would feel when I 'lose' the person. Childhood experiences- being abandoned by my father, being left out by my best friends in primary and secondary school.... I think it was then that I made an unspoken vow to never ever let myself be really close to anyone again.

My housemate mentioned recently that I am always 'not around' (esp. lately)that's why she couldn't get closer to me, compared to my other housemate. Yeah, I admit that lately I've always disappeared to somewhere else (usually the library).

I just somehow feel very comfortable doing things alone, without need of company.

I need divine intervention....to help me open up my heart to receive others into my life. But at least I received Jesus into my life, and that's the most important thing :)

Question:

Do we all need a best friend or a boyfriend in our lives? Or both? Or can we do without either?

Because lately I've always been lamenting over the fact that I've neither....and I better stop moaning and start thanking God about all the things in life that I DO have.... (like a mum who listens to my every complaint :p )

Cleansing tears

These couple of days- especially late at night alone in my room......I let the grief and sadness concealed in my heart all these years just flow out in the form of tears. Cleansing tears maybe?

The feeling of abandonment (from father, from best friends ,etc.) the feeling of being always taken for granted, being cast aside all the time, being left out, being misunderstood..... it all just comes and engulfes me.

But God is here. I know he is watching over me, feeling my hurt, and wiping away all my tears. He is the God who feels our sorrows.

I know that one day- everything will change- I'll be this well respected doctor who will save lives both physically and spiritually. But until then, I'll wait on Him :)

p.s. I watched 'Mamma Mia' this evening! Enjoyed it, especially the ABBA songs! Makes me wanna download some ABBA songs now!

I wish....

You know....sometimes I wish that I can be like somebody else.
I wish that I can be as smart as this person.
I wish that I can be as cheerful and carefree as that person.
I wish I can be as charismatic as him.
I wish I can be as likeable as her.
I wish I have a natural sense of humor, and a natural charisma.
I wish I can be as strong-willed and independent as my mum.
I wish I am stronger physically and mentally.

But after today's lecture- I know that I am still more fortunate than others. I have to be like Helen Keller, raising above all the limitations that I have to be a useful and successful person in the future.

I have to daily remind myself (because I always forget) that I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, and that I am unique and special.

p.s. improving oneself is a lifelong process, right? Because we always have things to improve about ourselves right?

Sometimes I wonder why I am so sensitive. I worry every single second about how others perceive me. I worry about what others think about me all the time. It's bad, I know, but I simply can't stop it. And it makes me stressed. Every single action I do is based on how I would come across to other people.
But despite that, I know that I still leave a bad impression on some people. And it's very frustrating. I try my very best to be this perfect person in others eyes- but sometimes I am still human and make silly mistakes. And I scold myself and tell myself to learn from them, but I repeat those mistakes again, and I end up being mad at myself again for not learning.

I want to be good in everything I do, but I just can't. I'm frustrated.

And the worst thing about me is that I have trouble accepting the fact of life that you can't please everyone, and that not everyone is going to appreciate or like you.

I also feel like my whole life is a waiting process.
Waiting for the day I graduate from medical school.
Waiting to become a successful doctor in the far future
Waiting patiently for my family to get to know Christ
Waiting to grow up to be a more mature and independent person.
Waiting for my Prince Charming to come.
The list goes on....

Lucky

Recently, my aunt and uncle lost a beloved dog, who got run down by a car :( Needless to say, they were devastated.

So my mum decided to buy a puppy for them.

My cousin, who went with us to select the puppy, decided to name him 'Lucky.' The puppy flew all the way back to Bintulu from Kuching! He is a lucky dog, being welcomed into a loving household.

He stayed overnight in my house, and I suddenly wished that he was my dog :p So cute and adorable!!

I know I already have 2 dogs at home, but Lucky is different...