Is it so hard to ask to just be appreciated for who I am and what I do? It's not like I treat others bad..

Why am I so short? Why am I so fat? Why am I so ‘lembap? So slow in everything? Why am I not well-liked by others? What can I do to improve myself, to become a better person? When will I ever find my McDreamy? Will I ever find him?
Why can’t I be as pretty as her? As well-liked as her? Have as many friends as her? Be as smart and confident as her? No guy would ever want me, I’m sure of that.

Don't you just love it when you encourage people, but people don't even bother to acknowledge? I mean, I know I'm not supposed to expect much, but just a simple thank you would be nice...

And don't you just love it when you feel so small and insignificant- even on Facebook? Gosh, I just love holding monologues on Facebook :P

Shhh.....bloggie, this is a secret between you and me ok? ;)

Just a secret since my blog is practically dead :p .... sometimes I wish I was like her- prettier, smarter, more well liked...That her I'm referring to could be anyone, from a housemate, to a stepsister, to a batchmate....

Sometimes I wish I was more appreciated. I know, it's silly, but I just can't help feeling that way sometimes. I am always being overshadowed by someone else, someone more pretty, more likeable, more capable....

You know, you got to give words of encouragement and say something positive to someone once in a while- who knows you might actually make that person's day.... Do say it before it's too late, before you suddenly realize you never got a chance to say what you've always wanted to say to that person...

So yet another year has come and gone. How fast time flies! For some of us, it had been a year of great success, many achievements and accomplishments. for others, it has been a year of disappointments. Whichever applies to you, the year has now come to an end, and another year has come, bringing with it a brand new start.
it's time again to reflect on what we've accomplished for the year 2009, and to set our goals for 2010.

For me, the year 2009 was significant, as it was the year I began clinical school in IMU Seremban. I had successfully completed phase 1 of my medical studies, and it was time for me to move on to phase 2. I was petrified to say the least to begin clinical school. All I could think of it was the next 2.5 years (and beyond) of pure torture and no life. Seriously. And now, I've completed almost 1 year of clinical school. Of course, it isn't half as bad as I expected, although they were some very tough and trying times.
I can admit now that the most trying time I had so far in clinical school ( I know there are many more tough times ahead) was the Obstetrics posting. We had to cover ward 1B every night, as we were expected to present the following morning. And no bed should be left uncovered. It was the covering wards that kept us busy for this posting. But in retrospect, it served as a good training ground for us, to prepare us for our jobs when we become housemen. And the Obs lecturers were somewhat more strict (or at least that's what I feel) compared to other posting lecturers. I didn't like Obs posting, still don't miss it, and will never like Obs. But yes, I feel like I learnt the most (about medicine, about life in general) from this posting. One thing I do miss from this posting though are the patients, who were friendly and nice to talk to. Psychiatry posting was a welcome change after the rigid Obs posting. I felt more relaxed and happy. And more happy with my results as well. As for Orthopaedics posting, I don't really like the subject and the amount of stuff that needs to be covered. But what I do miss from this posting is....the lecturers! I never knew that Ortho surgeons could be so nice...hehe...
And right now, I'm in the 2nd week of Paediatrics posting. So far, I love going to Port Dickson and clerking the mothers and playing with the babies there. As there are less people, the mothers and children there are more relaxed compared to those in HTJ Seremban. Seeing those babies (esp. those who have yet to develop stranger anxiety) just smile at you and coo happily just makes your day.

Studies aside, 2009 was also a year of self-discovery for me. I learnt that I still have a lot, and I mean a -lot of things that I need to change and improve about myself. I admit that there are times when I felt rather discouraged about myself and wondered why I always make mistakes and why I behave the way I do. There are times when I am very tempted to dislike myself. I am a slow - learner, but I will try my best to improve myself. It's not that easy, but I'll try :) One thing that I'm really grateful for, is 3 wonderful housemates who always guide me and support me. I love you girls! :) And I thank God for such a wonderful mother, and for such a wonderful family ( although an unconventional one) I thank God for a church and cell group where I can grow spiritually. I thank God for bringing me through this far, and I have to continue believing that He will continue to support me.

Although I know there will be many more challenges and obstacles ahead, I know that God will always see me through. :)

Happy New Year 2010!!

Vietnam

My first reaction when my parents announced that we were going to Vietnam for a holiday trip was .....'Huh? Why Vietnam of all places? Why can't we go to Korea or Japan instead?'
I wasn't really looking forward to going to the country, to tell the truth.

The first thing I noticed upon arrival in the country- the traffic. Oh my gosh. More than half of the vehicle population over there are motorbikes. And I always complain about motorbikes swerving right in front of me when I'm driving. Imagine the entire road of motorbikes. Very few traffic lights. Traffic moving freely about, cutting into each others lanes. I am so not driving in Vietnam!

The place we stayed in was a budget hotel, more like rooms rented out to tourists. It has all the basic facilities such as aircon, TV, comfortable beds and ensuite, and it's cheap, so I can't complain. There are plenty of these type of hotels over there.

I realized that there are many tourists in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City). The city is such a popular tourist destination, you can see tourists everywhere! As a result, you can see bars, souvenir shops, and English books everywhere.

The Vietnamese people, they are very friendly. They have smiles on their faces, and they are a cheerful lot. They can speak conversational English, although it's hard to understand their English at times. I heard they can speak some French too, although I didn't hear the language being spoken among the locals.

We went on a tour around the city on the second day- where we were brought to the War Musuem, The Reunification Palace, and the market. The following day, we followed the Mekong river tour, where we met two nice Vietnamese girls and one Malaysian girl from Batu Pahat.
Actually, most of the stuff we saw in the second day- can be found in Malaysia too. :p

Anyways, it was a memorable trip. I enjoyed bargaining with the locals, walking along the streets of Vietnam and making friends with the local girls. :)

Semester 6

Half a year ago, I was totally dreading it. The start of clinical school. I even went to the extent of saying that it was my 'death sentence'. I imagined pure torture, no life whatsforever.

Now, half a year later, I'm still alive and well, thank you. Clinical school is certainly not as bad as I originally expected. Sure, there might be some busy times, but I can cope with it.
My housemates and I still have the time to go out for neals together and movies during the weekends. Workload....not so bad, we only have on call once a week (not including covering ward for case presentations). Lecturers, most of them are fine, some lecturers are nice even! The most they would say is 'What have you been learning for the past 2.5 years?'

My first posting was Surgery. We were thrown into the wards the very first day itself. So of course we were a bit aimless for the first couple of weeks. Clerking surgery patients, witnessing endoscopy and surgeries....learning about the entire GI system, breasts and thyroid. The only lecturer to watch out for....he's not that bad actually. We learn a lot from him.

Second posting....Internal Medicine. A bit more busy compared to surgery, as we have to make it a point to clerk patient's daily. Case presentations almost every day. But IMO, we learn the most from this posting. The lecturers taughts us every single system, and many common diseases. And we were taught how to perform thorough physical examination of every system in the body.
Most of my friends I know enjoy this posting the most. It is fun to come up with differential diagnoses for a patient, because one single symptom can lead to many different possibilities. Some lecturers in this posting are nice too.

Third posting....Family Medicine. The supposedly most relaxing posting of all. Well, the first four weeks were certainly not that relaxing, we had to follow the lecturers clinics. But this posting is the most planned and structured posting of all 3. I wish I had started with this posting first, because this lecturer made it a point to lead and guide us along the way, so we wouldn't be lost. If only we had this sort of guidance for the other postings....
Anyways, I enjoyed this posting a lot. I loved sitting in the lecturers air-conditioned clinics, I loved observing how the lecturers deal with patients. I love how in the primary healthcare system, the patient is looked as a whole, and not as a disease. I think that prevention is better than cure. Maybe, just maybe, I would become a GP in the future, we'll see. ;) And yes, like I mentioned in my previous post...I recall fondly the Kampung Angkat project, the school health visit, the MCH and MO clinics....
And of course, during this posting, I had the time for other things as well. The trip to Malacca, the eating out, the Gala dinner, the trips down to KL.....

Yes, so now I've officially completed one semester of clinical school. :) 4 more to go, I graduate and real torture begins!