You know how sometimes when you feel certain emotions running through your mind , you just have to record them down in the spur of the moment before they slowly subside away? That's exactly what I am going to do now, record down exactly what I am feeling at the moment, write down exactly what is going through my head right now. And then look back maybe tomorrow or a few days later and laugh back at it and think about how silly I was to have these thoughts.
Let's get straight to the point. I'm feeling stressed out right now. I am not even halfway through reading up for the PBL presentation session tomorrow. Staying up really isn't a problem for me, but waking up early is. I've got CSU (Clinical Skills Unit) session tomorrow- which begins at friggin' 8 am in the morning. I know I shouldn't be complaining - they're many ppl who have to wake up much early than me, but I am NOT a morning person. It's still ok, if I could go home in the afternoon and rest and nap. But no..... it just had to be a full day tomorrow. From CSU, to lectures, to PBL presentation in the afternoon, to latin dance class in the evening- it's a wonder if I don't drop dead tomorrow. Especially since I predict I'm gonna stay up late again tonight.
I am almost a week behind in reading up on lectures- things just keep coming my way. What with PBL presentations now 2 times per week. Then there is this CPR theory exam which we've to sit for this coming Friday. Luckily it's not tomorrow.
I end up having not more than a few hours of sleep each time- since I just simply LOVE to work in the middle of the night and the wee hours of the morning, don't ask me why - and as a result, I'm sleep deprived. And that leads to my recent mood swings. I can feel absolutely fine one minute and just feel really down and moody and upset about a trivial thing the next minute. Imagine my housemates having to tolerate that every day.
I think God was really speaking to me when this morning at church while waiting to be ushered in, I just randomly picked up a book and flipped through it. And one sentence caught my eye and stood out for me. It read ' The lack of sleep can lead to moody swings'. Whoa....it's as if the sentence was especially directed towards me.
Small things can now aggravate me. Just my housemates happily chattering to each other, finding out that two of my old friends in Cardiff are now an item - even though I never had feelings for the guy before and just treat him like a friend - receiving a quarter of the number of testimonials I sent out, etc.
Sometimes, I believe I still do suffer from low self-esteem. I always think that other girls are much prettier, smarter, more hardworking, more obedient, more deserving than me. Sometimes maybe that's the reason why guys never seem to be interested in me :p k ....k....I'm just kidding, actually I think it's more likely due to the fact that I had sort of an adversion for guys when I was younger. Now I treat them like friends too.....but...seriously I don't forsee any guy wanting to be with me. There are many other good-looking girls out there, and I can't cook. No, actually I can, but for the most part I'm lazy to :p It's a different story altogether when I cook with my housemates.
Alright, I guess I'll stop my random blurbs here and continue on with my PBL. Muacks!
Ailing
p/s: kudos to those of you who actually read through this entire blog entry!