You know how sometimes when you feel certain emotions running through your mind , you just have to record them down in the spur of the moment before they slowly subside away? That's exactly what I am going to do now, record down exactly what I am feeling at the moment, write down exactly what is going through my head right now. And then look back maybe tomorrow or a few days later and laugh back at it and think about how silly I was to have these thoughts.
Let's get straight to the point. I'm feeling stressed out right now. I am not even halfway through reading up for the PBL presentation session tomorrow. Staying up really isn't a problem for me, but waking up early is. I've got CSU (Clinical Skills Unit) session tomorrow- which begins at friggin' 8 am in the morning. I know I shouldn't be complaining - they're many ppl who have to wake up much early than me, but I am NOT a morning person. It's still ok, if I could go home in the afternoon and rest and nap. But no..... it just had to be a full day tomorrow. From CSU, to lectures, to PBL presentation in the afternoon, to latin dance class in the evening- it's a wonder if I don't drop dead tomorrow. Especially since I predict I'm gonna stay up late again tonight.
I am almost a week behind in reading up on lectures- things just keep coming my way. What with PBL presentations now 2 times per week. Then there is this CPR theory exam which we've to sit for this coming Friday. Luckily it's not tomorrow.
I end up having not more than a few hours of sleep each time- since I just simply LOVE to work in the middle of the night and the wee hours of the morning, don't ask me why - and as a result, I'm sleep deprived. And that leads to my recent mood swings. I can feel absolutely fine one minute and just feel really down and moody and upset about a trivial thing the next minute. Imagine my housemates having to tolerate that every day.
I think God was really speaking to me when this morning at church while waiting to be ushered in, I just randomly picked up a book and flipped through it. And one sentence caught my eye and stood out for me. It read ' The lack of sleep can lead to moody swings'. Whoa....it's as if the sentence was especially directed towards me.
Small things can now aggravate me. Just my housemates happily chattering to each other, finding out that two of my old friends in Cardiff are now an item - even though I never had feelings for the guy before and just treat him like a friend - receiving a quarter of the number of testimonials I sent out, etc.
Sometimes, I believe I still do suffer from low self-esteem. I always think that other girls are much prettier, smarter, more hardworking, more obedient, more deserving than me. Sometimes maybe that's the reason why guys never seem to be interested in me :p k ....k....I'm just kidding, actually I think it's more likely due to the fact that I had sort of an adversion for guys when I was younger. Now I treat them like friends too.....but...seriously I don't forsee any guy wanting to be with me. There are many other good-looking girls out there, and I can't cook. No, actually I can, but for the most part I'm lazy to :p It's a different story altogether when I cook with my housemates.
Alright, I guess I'll stop my random blurbs here and continue on with my PBL. Muacks!
Ailing
p/s: kudos to those of you who actually read through this entire blog entry!

Foundation 2

So yeah, we started our Foundation 2 course today. In many ways, I suddenly feel as if I'm already a Semester 2 student, although we aren't officially Semester 2 students yet until after the Chinese New Year break. You see, we are already starting to learn about stuff which usually Semester 2 students learn - such as General Pathology, Microbiology, Parasitology, Immunology and Pharmacology, and last but not least, we are starting Clinical Skills soon. I am most weary about Clinical Skills, but hopefully it wouldn't be so bad because this semester we are only going to be taught some basic stuff like history taking, measuring pulse, blood pressure and temperature. The main reason why we are now learning Sem 2 stuff when we are not really yet Sem 2 students is because students of the previous batches had their big End of Semester exams after Foundation 1, which would be Semester 1 for them, while we are only gonna have our big exams at the end of our Sem 2.
Today, I attended a talk on New Year Resolutions by one of the IMU lecturers. It was organized by the Christian Fellowship. The main reason I report this in my blog is because one message stood out for me - we must always look ahead and press ahead and never harp on our past mistakes or failures. Or else we will never move on.
Philippians Chapter 3 Verse 12-14 says :
'Not that I have already obtained all this or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet ot have taken hold of it. But one thing I do : Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead. I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.'
This is something which I'm really struggling to do. For example, everytime I sit for an exam, I would always try to recall back the paper and the questions asked, and then go home to check for the answers. And moan if I discovered that I've gotten them wrong. Also, the disappointments that I went through earlier on last year and also the 2 years before, I know that I've to learn to let go. I've to learn not to live in my past, but to press ahead towards the future. Only then can I succeed. This would not be as easy as it seems, I know. But I'll make it my 7th new year resolution to add on to the first 6 which I've mentioned in my previous blog.
Yet another new year resolution that I forgot to put down yesterday - to do more regular exercise. I've been really neglecting my exercise- preferring to take a nap in the evenings instead of going jogging or doing other forms of work out. Hopefully, with lectures starting at 10:30 am for the most part this term, ( instead of 8 am previously) I would be able to squeeze in more regular exercise from now on. I don't know how well will I be able to keep to this resolution, being the lazy bum I am :p