Is it so hard to ask to just be appreciated for who I am and what I do? It's not like I treat others bad..

Why am I so short? Why am I so fat? Why am I so ‘lembap? So slow in everything? Why am I not well-liked by others? What can I do to improve myself, to become a better person? When will I ever find my McDreamy? Will I ever find him?
Why can’t I be as pretty as her? As well-liked as her? Have as many friends as her? Be as smart and confident as her? No guy would ever want me, I’m sure of that.

Don't you just love it when you encourage people, but people don't even bother to acknowledge? I mean, I know I'm not supposed to expect much, but just a simple thank you would be nice...

And don't you just love it when you feel so small and insignificant- even on Facebook? Gosh, I just love holding monologues on Facebook :P

Shhh.....bloggie, this is a secret between you and me ok? ;)

Just a secret since my blog is practically dead :p .... sometimes I wish I was like her- prettier, smarter, more well liked...That her I'm referring to could be anyone, from a housemate, to a stepsister, to a batchmate....

Sometimes I wish I was more appreciated. I know, it's silly, but I just can't help feeling that way sometimes. I am always being overshadowed by someone else, someone more pretty, more likeable, more capable....

You know, you got to give words of encouragement and say something positive to someone once in a while- who knows you might actually make that person's day.... Do say it before it's too late, before you suddenly realize you never got a chance to say what you've always wanted to say to that person...

So yet another year has come and gone. How fast time flies! For some of us, it had been a year of great success, many achievements and accomplishments. for others, it has been a year of disappointments. Whichever applies to you, the year has now come to an end, and another year has come, bringing with it a brand new start.
it's time again to reflect on what we've accomplished for the year 2009, and to set our goals for 2010.

For me, the year 2009 was significant, as it was the year I began clinical school in IMU Seremban. I had successfully completed phase 1 of my medical studies, and it was time for me to move on to phase 2. I was petrified to say the least to begin clinical school. All I could think of it was the next 2.5 years (and beyond) of pure torture and no life. Seriously. And now, I've completed almost 1 year of clinical school. Of course, it isn't half as bad as I expected, although they were some very tough and trying times.
I can admit now that the most trying time I had so far in clinical school ( I know there are many more tough times ahead) was the Obstetrics posting. We had to cover ward 1B every night, as we were expected to present the following morning. And no bed should be left uncovered. It was the covering wards that kept us busy for this posting. But in retrospect, it served as a good training ground for us, to prepare us for our jobs when we become housemen. And the Obs lecturers were somewhat more strict (or at least that's what I feel) compared to other posting lecturers. I didn't like Obs posting, still don't miss it, and will never like Obs. But yes, I feel like I learnt the most (about medicine, about life in general) from this posting. One thing I do miss from this posting though are the patients, who were friendly and nice to talk to. Psychiatry posting was a welcome change after the rigid Obs posting. I felt more relaxed and happy. And more happy with my results as well. As for Orthopaedics posting, I don't really like the subject and the amount of stuff that needs to be covered. But what I do miss from this posting is....the lecturers! I never knew that Ortho surgeons could be so nice...hehe...
And right now, I'm in the 2nd week of Paediatrics posting. So far, I love going to Port Dickson and clerking the mothers and playing with the babies there. As there are less people, the mothers and children there are more relaxed compared to those in HTJ Seremban. Seeing those babies (esp. those who have yet to develop stranger anxiety) just smile at you and coo happily just makes your day.

Studies aside, 2009 was also a year of self-discovery for me. I learnt that I still have a lot, and I mean a -lot of things that I need to change and improve about myself. I admit that there are times when I felt rather discouraged about myself and wondered why I always make mistakes and why I behave the way I do. There are times when I am very tempted to dislike myself. I am a slow - learner, but I will try my best to improve myself. It's not that easy, but I'll try :) One thing that I'm really grateful for, is 3 wonderful housemates who always guide me and support me. I love you girls! :) And I thank God for such a wonderful mother, and for such a wonderful family ( although an unconventional one) I thank God for a church and cell group where I can grow spiritually. I thank God for bringing me through this far, and I have to continue believing that He will continue to support me.

Although I know there will be many more challenges and obstacles ahead, I know that God will always see me through. :)

Happy New Year 2010!!